trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
