those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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