I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
