Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
