How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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