I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
