the day after is always just damage control
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
