I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
