Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
