there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
