I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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