I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
