What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
