Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
