You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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