He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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