oh god the rape fog is back!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
