Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
