i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
