She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
