when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
