please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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