if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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