I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
