My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
birth control should be required to get into college
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
tell me about the eggs
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