you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
