you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
