all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
