He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
