I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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