i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
