Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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