She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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