i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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