Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
