I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
