I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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