FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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