My liver just broke up with me...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
