i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
