K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
