If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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