I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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