did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
