Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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