wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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