Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he puts the penis in happiness.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
