he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
