its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
