Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
