He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
