dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
