We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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