im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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