if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
