He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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