What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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