I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found your dick twin last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
