Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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