How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
