Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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