Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
