You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
