I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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