Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
