I wanna bring you to show and tell
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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