my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
