Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
