3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
