if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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