I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
