Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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