I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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