Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
