What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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