god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
