I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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