Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
