Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
