I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
