I wish I could punch you in the face.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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