hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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