He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
