My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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