Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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