it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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