So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize