So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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