ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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