I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
