Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
